shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
