im drinking this country out of the recession.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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