i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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