Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
