i will never coherently bang her
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
