If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
