I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
