oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
