I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
