I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize