What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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