People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
