I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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