New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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