god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize