I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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