I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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