If you die in college, do you die in real life?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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