Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
