Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
