6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
