Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
