i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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