On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
