id be glad to
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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