yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
