You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
