somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
how drunk are you?
Several
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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