Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
