I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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