Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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