2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
