that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
