She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
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