worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My ass is underappreciated
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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