i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
