I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
