I wanna bring you to show and tell
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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