i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
