it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize