Who did Billy Mays play for?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize