i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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