and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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