he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize