Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
It's Friday. Sex?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
