You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
you never un-have a 4some
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
