Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
