I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
