I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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