i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
