I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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