just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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