Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
