I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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