Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I intend to get homeless drunk
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
a search helicopter?!
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
