Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
