she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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