His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
