You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
