this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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