The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
