after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize