You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
