I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
